Shared Grief; Reopened Wounds

Yesterday, I learned of the death of Gracie Chen, the precious daughter of Lili and Ping. I can remember back to when I had a party the Christmas after Gracie was born. Lili and Ping came with Gracie in her little car seat. She just made a peep and then ran to rescue her. So loved.

It brought my whole experience right back to the forefront; reopened a never-to-be-fully-healed wound.

I know something of the pain that Lili and Ping are feeling, but even I don’t know exactly what they are feeling; if there is anything that I heave learned in the past 7 months is that this is a uniquely personal experience. I have been so astonished how no two parents respond the same. I had a long talk with Pat Lager last night and it was so helpful. I am a talker; not much is repressed in my world. That is a good thing, at least for me. I don’t know how everybody else feels about it, but they seem to tolerate it okay. I has been good to be with a group of social workers – especially the ones who who have actually worked in the field.

It has been a blessing to once again see my friends in this process. They appear to have collectively agreed that it would be best if I didn’t find out about Gracie. I did find out because of the wonders of technology and the internet. I am glad that I did. I would not have wanted to find out about this upon my return – too much emotion at one time.

There is an expression that the devil is in the details. In this case as well as many other in the past few months, I have seen that my God is in the details and for that I am thankful. His timing really is so much better than mine; is perspective is so much for clear than mine.

I am the child of an amazing God!