I hate being needy, but I am. I am in South Africa, away from those who I know love me. I love them too, but this is about their love for me.
Today marks 8 months since Christopher passed on to arms of the Father. As I look at my computer clock, it was 8 months and 15 minutes ago, that I received that news from the doctors at TMH.
This may come as a surprise to you, but I am a talker. Rather, I need to talk. I have often joked with people that it is so busy in my head (and it is), but when I don’t have a venue to express it, it is like steam building up in a pot – I feel like I am going to explode! Being out of Tallahassee for 4 days and too far to call folks, the pressure has been building. Finally, last night, my professor asked me what was going on with the legal proceedings. Whew, I could let out steam, not in a negative way, more like a whistling tea kettle, but I had a lot of whistling to do. I am so thankful for Dina and Kim for listening.
I can’t help but to wonder if this isn’t what God wants to be for me. I suppose that I am to need Him more than I need people. I’m not going to dwell on that now as I am just so thankful to let it out.
This being needy, is funny to me because one of the themes throughout my life has been that I don’t want to be a burden! I often feel that my need to talk (and be heard) is a burden on those around me. This is a persistent feeling despite the fact that people tell me otherwise. I need to let this go.
That is why I miss those who love me. Generally I don’t feel the burden of being a burden with them when I talk to them. I feel loved.
Thanks be to God!