Roller Coaster Ride

Probably the most surprising thing through this process is the range of emotions and how quickly they can change – in either direction. Today was a good day. Work went well, I had lunch with a dear friend who lets me be where I am, I was encouraged to see new life in the midst of grief when I visited my friend Lili, I talked to two other dear friends and made plans for a trip the week after Christmas. All in all, a very good day.

Tonight I went to run an errand with a friend. We stopped at the cemetary to remove flowers that I had put on Christopher’s grave for his birthday. Crash. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise when visiting my son’s grave makes me kind of sad. As Christopher would say, “Duh!” But it was a good day and nothing really changed except that I started thinking.

I am much better on autopilot. I do much better when I am busy and don’t think too much about my new reality. As a parent, I would often scold Christopher to “Think!”, but as a grieving parent, I would do well to not think too much.

Clearly Christopher was smarter than I; he knew that thinking was overrated! He just lived life to the fullest and generally had a great time.

For that I am very thankful.