In three weeks it will have been a year . . .

If I may say so myself, I have done an excellent job of managing significant days over this past year. We celebrated Christopher in our lives on our adoption day (April 26) and we dedicated a playground in remembrance on his birthday. I even celebrated his birthday with family and his friends. But I come upon the most painful of the significant days. There is little to celebrate so what does one do.
I could celebrate the reality that Christopher is in Heaven. God has assured me of that. Through Christ’s death on the cross that was secured. That is worth celebrating and I don’t want to lose sight of that. But Christopher is the beneficiary of that. December 8 is the day that he received his reward and moved into the presence of his God and King. For me December 8 is a day of great loss and there is no way around that reality.
So, what do I do in remembrance on that day? Call me selfish, but I can’t celebrate. The wound is still too fresh and too deep. I miss him as my son; I miss him as my “bud”; I miss the future that he represented for me. That is a lot of loss. There is still a lot of pain. I just can’t celebrate.
Lord, God, prepare me for that day. Help me to be wise and do what I need to do to honestly face this loss and all the pain that goes with it. You have been with me all the way and I pray that You will be even more real to me December 7/8 as I remember the events that changed my world. I am thankful that You have enabled me to trust this to You and so I commit these details to You even now. Amen.